Fun With Winos

Fun With Winos

“It takes a sorry son of a bitch to arrest a man”

Wild Bill Hurley 1980

No one else wanted my beat in the downtown area, because it was mainly just dealing with winos. A wino is what we called, career alcoholics, that had reached the very bottom of the barrel. They drank “Richards Wild Irish Rose”, “Mad Dog 20-20” or some other brand of fortified cheap wine” and slept in abandoned buildings or cars. They begged for money or stole things to buy wine. Some were funny and some were mean. Some would kill another wino for his wine, money or just for fun. I liked messing with winos. When other beats were boring, I always had winos to mess with. I knew all the regulars like Wild Bill Hurley, Box Car Ruby, Clyde “Bionic Leg” Hall and Gay Ray Rachel. I had arrested them all, numerous times, for public drunkenness and many other crimes. Over the years I had been punched, kicked, vomited on and had them throw things at me. One rainy night my trainee, “killer Diller’, didn’t search Wild Bill as well as he should have. On the way to jail, Bill got mad and threw a small jar of instant coffee that he had hidden in his coat pocket against the Plexiglas shield and it got all over us in the front seat. When we got out of the car into the rain our white shirts percolated.  Box Car Ruby, a woman wino, came after me on the street one afternoon. She was as big as a box car and knocked both swinging doors off the hinges of Jim’s Lunch when she came after me. She charged  like a drunken bull with her teeth snarling and her finger nail claws swinging wildly. One good thump between her eyes with my night stick and she went down like a sack of potatoes. I never found out why she decided to attack me. Then there was Gay Ray Rachel, he was an ex professional boxer and he was flaming gay. Many people made the mistake of messing with him. He once told me that the only thing he liked better than having gay sex was kicking ass. I changed his words around some, but you get the picture...

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